My Freshman

I don't know if I have ever been more excited for it to be the weekend. Not because I want to rage, but because these two days mark something beautiful: I HAVE NO CLASS.

On Tuesday evening, my sorority had our first TG (themed gathering) of the quarter at one of the frat houses. The theme was "talk nerdy to me," so the fun-loving girl in me wore a lab coat and lab goggles over a skirt and crop top. It was a hit, especially because I stood out against the naughty librarians or schoolgirls. For whatever reason, I really don't feel like trying to be super hot when going out because I would rather ward off boys in the first round of judgement than have to destroy their dreams of sleeping with me later. Also, this frat does have a "rapey" reputation, so I was extra not-down for a hookup that night. 

I got relatively tipsy, danced my ass off, and flirted with a few guys for shits and gigs. A lot of people were hammered, but I have 8am's everyday so that isn't going to be an option for me. I dipped out for a little while to say hi to friends in another frat across the street. They're new on campus, but would always have killer parties last year so they are very well-liked. After hanging out with friends in the backyard for a little while, I decided to go back to where our TG was so that I could collect some girls to walk home. 

Mingling with some boys for a few minutes, I finally found some friends that wanted to head back. They were also over watching people suck face in the living room, apparently. 

On Wednesday, I woke up feeling good, as I drank a ton of water before going to sleep. Classes went well, until I skipped my first literature section (a small group of students meet once a week with a TA to supplement lecture) for a surprise concert on campus. Basically, I am obsessed with Jack Johnson, and there was no way in hell that I was going to leave in the middle of his set to talk about Shakespeare. Sorry, not sorry. 

About ten minutes before my section, I told my friends, "Let's go dance! I'll leave after two more songs."

Erin jumped up from her seat on the stairs, "Hell yeah, Lu!"

At 5, one of my favorite songs of his began, and our whole group had collected by a palm tree. Slowly swaying with the music, I realized that there were so many songs that I love which he hadn't played yet. "How bad would it be if I skipped section? Do you think I'll get dropped from the class?" I asked my friends. 

"I mean, I'm sure that your TA will understand," Maya assured me. 

"You know what? Fuck that class, I don't care if I get dropped."

So... I did get dropped from the class, but its ok because I was going to drop it anyways. She did beat me to it though. In the end, I lost the race to break up with the class, but my TA was really snarky after I emailed her. At least I don't have to deal with that for the next three months. 

On Thursday, classes were swell. I ran five and a half miles on the beach in the evening to relax my mind, and got ready for our TG with our brother fraternity. Originally, I thought that it was a paint party, but the theme was "Two buck Chuck." Everyone was handed a bottle of wine, and we dressed "half-classy, half-trashy." 

Thinking that I was original, I cut up an actual trashbag to make a sheer, white tube top and wore a black bra under. I paired it with black cutoff shorts, and classed it up with a pearl necklace, pearl earrings, and simple makeup. Oh and the icing on the cake was a pin hooked to my bra strap that read, "happy to ride your face." Imaginable, I looked hot AF, while still maintaining some humor. 

"So girls, if you don't already know, these guys are our favorites because they are awesome. Make out with them all you want, but you should also talk to them because they are quality guys and will make good boyfriends." We had a great pep-talk, before walking across the street. 

We were greeted by a ton of cheering, excited guys to our bottles of wine and music. Personally, they're my favorite frat on campus because they are as great as the older girls in our house told us. 

After a few quality conversations, I went back downstairs to dance with some of the girls. 

"Damn, the pledges are actually hot," one of the other new sophomores whispered to me.

Deep in my bottle of wine, "I want to coug."

Half a joke, half wanting to make out with someone out of curiosity, I did end up making out with a pledge. He came onto me super hard but I couldn't stop thinking about Kevin. 

"You just can't take me seriously because I'm younger, is that it?" Mark asked me. 

"I guess that's just what it is," I replied, laughing. 

Then, he asked how old I am and it turns out we are both 19, so he leaned back in to kiss me. 

All of a sudden, I heard someone from inside of a storage closet, and turned around to find one of my guy friends exit through the door way.

"Wade!!" I exclaimed.

We talked for a bit and I used his presence as an excuse to run away from my freshman. 

Finding my friend Taylor (who is also a sophomore but is active in the sorority) when I returned to the dance floor, I pulled her aside. She was also having a shitty night, so we chilled in the bathroom. 

I spilled to her about Kevin, and asked her if I should be guilty about my freshman.

"No, I think that you're fine!" she drunkenly shared with a hug. 

I gave her advice about her issue (she hooked up with someone and he popped her cherry even though they didn't have sex), and I think that I helped her accept that it wasn't a big deal. 

I called my roommate who offered to pick me up, and she gave a few of us rides home. It was a pretty eventful night, but I did have a blast (and got an acceptable amount of great reviews on my pin).

What does suck though, is that I still feel guilty for making out with that freshman. Part of it is probably because Kevin and I haven't talked since Wednesday, when he stopped texting me back. 

I've let him know that I wish he was here, but he has made it fairly clear that it is a bummer to him that I am at school and he is at home. 

"But hey, you're at college having a blast sooo..." he responded to me sharing my homesickness on Tuesday.

So now, I feel really guilty. Jordan and Bitta have both let me know that they think I didn't do anything wrong, since Kevin and I aren't exclusive, but I still am sad. 

I think I need to plan a visit soon. I miss Kevin a ton, but two weeks is a long time for me to not touch someone that I am emotionally attached to.